Monday, September 2, 2013

Zoe's Lies and Secrets

Note: This is a preview of what I am writing as my first short story for Amazon Kindle. I would love for comments. Please follow it helps all writers.

Chapter On)e

                                       " I am inhibited by a cry.
                                            Nightly it flaps out
                                Looking, with its hooks, for something to love"-
                               Sylvia Plath from her poem Em, in the book Ariel

March 1982

Zoe couldn't move. Her hair was filled with cat litter and shit. Her body was between the toilet and tub. She tasted blood, and felt the trickling of it from her head and mouth. Zoe couldn't see her right eye but knew something was wrong; it was nearly closed and when she touched it Zoe knew it was beyond swollen. Her brain was clearly telling her body that pain was coming out from every orifice.

Zoe knew this was more than just a fall. It not only dazed her for a moment, but caused her to become disoriented. Unable to move, tears and blood were streaming down her face. 

Zoe tried manipulating her body as best as she could from around the toilet. She felt as if she lost her mind? Zoe looked up and saw a towel rack, then a towel that looked like her towel? With her one good eye she looked around before trying to get up; she saw kittens huddled with their Mom, "These are my kittens?!" Zoe saw the wallpaper she had hung last year, her makeup and perfume on the counter. This time she was crying, and screaming.

As the minutes went by Zoe was finally able to get on her knees. With every move the pain grew more intense, but she had to find out the truth and why this had happened to her, and in her home? Zoe still couldn't remember, or did she know. Zoe hid a lot of nasty secrets to make her life seem ideal, but that wasn't even entering her mind right now, just surviving and crawling to her bedroom was on her mind.

Still on her knees, Zoe put her hand on the towel rack again, pulled her body from the floor to the toilet, just to breath. Then as her mind clicked her memory started to slowly become engaged to the present, she started weeping and shaking. "I remember, goddamn it!"! screaming. As the weeping continued she felt a sharp pain and gasping placed her hand on her belly. Hysterical, Zoe now had to get the energy to get off the toilet. Slowly she got to her feet to walk out of her bathroom. As Zoe turned her body around the door she looked around.  Then instantly from the corner of her eye a steel stool ripped into her side and continued to pound her wounded body on the hard tile floor..."Oh dear God!!! God save my baby..."


  1. Good start. Just remember to have someone you trust look it over to catch typos before you put it up on Amazon. Examples:

    "As tears streamed down her face and unable to move" (I got the meaning, but had to pause to parse it out. Maybe "Unable to move, tears and blood streaming down her face" etc.)

    "Zoe hid a lot of nasty secrets to make her [life] seem ideal"

    1. Thank you Larry! That's exactly what I need..ill be sure to work on typos &'s my side that needs help on..thx again!

  2. Larry I fixed the sentences and deleted some of the passive thoughts. I feel like I'm working a lot on the first chapter just to make it a preview. But this is helping me with the rest of it...thanks again!